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About Me Member Deviant of Many Talents veer120/Male/Trinidad and Tobago Recent Activity Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 32 Deviations
227 Comments
1,077 Pageviews

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Trinidad and Tobago
  • Interests: Computers Music Art Photography Film Literature
  • Favourite movie: Howl's Moving Castle
  • Favourite band or musician: Basement Jaxx
  • Favourite genre of music: I like All
  • Favourite artist: UVERWorld
  • Favourite poet or writer: John Wyndham
  • Favourite photographer: Vishan Seenath
  • Favourite style of art: Vector, Kahos, Fanatsy, Minimalistic, GreyScale
  • Operating System: Windows Vista
  • MP3 player of choice: Zune 80
  • Wallpaper of choice: The Falls by Kol
  • Skin of choice: Diamond
  • Favourite game: Command and Conquer Generals
  • Favourite gaming platform: Playstation 3
  • Favourite cartoon character: Pearls Before Swine
  • Personal Quote: "To do right sometimes means to stand alone"
  • Tools of the Trade: Sony Vegas, Sony DVD Architect, Paint.NET, The Gimp, Axails Icon Workshop Portable

Where do i go from here.

Thu Oct 15, 2009, 7:23 PM
I've been doing a lot of thinking as of lately. Maybe i have too much time or maybe its that i'm beginning to regret a lot. Imagine I'm only 20 and i'm already regretting. Who knows what ill be like at 60.

It's amazing how much I've changed over time. It's amazing how jaded I've become. I can't even have a descent convo with anyone anymore. When i hear myself talk i wanna kill myself sometimes just because i sound so bad. If anything I know do damn much and am not able to do much of anything.

It's like I'm going nowhere. I barely have any friends to speak of. I don't even see the ones i have anymore. And its not like friends grow on trees. I can't be myself around people. And i'm too bloody scared to be judged. I get myself pumped up and put myself out there sometimes, and nothing happens, no1 says anything.

Is it just me or does everyone avoid me. They use me for convenience or so i feel anyway. I call some people but what do i say. I don't see them,, i don't know them anymore. We can talk random bs but wth is the point.

I feel disconnected. I want to get out, but i don't know where to go or what to do. I got in my car a day and went in the mall and sat down, ate a sandwich and just watched people pass by. I watched my friends pass by and not even say hi or wave for that matter. I just sat and brooded about everything and anything, over and over.

I think more than anything I'm the one whose screwed up. I think i judge myself too harshly or maybe not harshly enough. I keep myself at a distance because i'm afraid or just don't see anything there for me. The things i love are point less and the people i love are brushing me off like another leaf.

I'm 20 and feel like a 40yro who hasn't done anything. I am ignored, my ideas, my skill, if you would call them that. The best times if my life i can only remember bits and pieces of. The people from them have changed, they're total strangers to me. I can't even thing of what to say.

Everything seems to be going somewhere and all i can do is sit and watch. I'm not making a mark anywhere and being alone and by myself is starting to take its toll. Even with the people that are around me, i find myself doing more and more on my own with ever increasingly so little to be gained from it.

And for some reason, i find myslef crying while i write this......

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Comments


:iconakg2n:
thx 4 teh watch Veer

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Sig Here lol

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:iconarisingmoon:
Hi veer! a big thanks for becoming a watcher
Hidden by Owner
:iconarisingmoon:
Oh thank you, that's a lovely thing to say
:iconveer1:
hey, i'm not saying it, i mean it.

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May Kahos bring your world Peace.
:iconeffecktz:
Hey Veer and Welcome to DA thanks for the feedback.Glad to have some more ps3 wallpaper/theme creators here on DA.
i'd be interested to know your top 10 too.
:iconveer1:
hey did u check out my kahos aero theme? its been done for a while but im doing a new one with icons from scratch. Im hoping to post it soon.

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May Kahos bring your world Peace.
:iconeherin:
Hello random deviant :>
:iconmpk:
thanks and welcome to dA dude :) look forward to more widescreen wallpapers from you
:iconnicholasmathura:
yo welcome to deviant art make sure to do more photoshops you could get popular

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